The Demise of Guys

The Demise of Guys: Why Boys Are Struggling and What We Can Do About It 
by Zimbardo, Philip; Duncan, Nikita .

The premise of the this book is that guys are failing at an alarming rate in society (specifically America).  The authors say,

"In fact, society — from politics to the media to the classroom to our very own families — is a major contributor to this demise because they are inhibiting guys’ intellectual, creative and social abilities right from the start"

They point out many ways society is contributing to this demise, however they specifically focus on pornography and excessive video gaming.  (A while back I posted Zimbardo's TED talk about this subject).
For the most part I do believe that they are on to something, both with the porn and video gaming.

What can we do about?
I really appreciated that fact that the authors did not try and give simple solutions.  But they also attempted to give some practical advice to different groups.  Two things stood out.  One is they said fathers need to be involved in a boys life (or at least some older males).  Second, (this is linked to the first) was that fathers need to

"Teach your son about sex. You may feel awkward about it — too bad for you. Your son’s future health depends on him developing balanced perspectives on sex now."

Good book to read (also t is short and it is cheap - a couple of the reasons TED books are awesome).

With

This sure makes me ask - am I wanting to live with God?


 

Best/worst Lent ever

I gave up complaining for Lent.
This is has been the best Lent ever.  Often in the past my Lent hasn't seemed to really "work".  What I mean is that I have not found myself thinking more about God or praying more.  Usually I make a couple adjustments in my life to avoid whatever I have given up and then carry on as normal.  However this year Lent has really assisted me in being more aware of God.  Giving up a thought pattern meant that I could not just adjust something to avoid what I gave up.  What I gave up was with me.  And therefore it was a constant reminder of God.
This constant reminder has also made this the worst Lent ever.  I did not realize what a complainer that I am.  When I say that this has been a constant reminder I am not really exaggerating.  Every day I have broken my Lent.  This Lent has helped me realize how much I need God, I need a savior, I need to be filled with the Holy Spirit every day.

Lent - complaining

We are now a week into Lent.
I really struggled this year in figuring about what to give up.  There were lots of ideas but nothing resonated with me.  I am positive that a large part of it was that I am lazy and self-centered and did not want to give up anything that I enjoy.  However another reason (excuse?) was that I wanted Lent to really draw me close to God.  Often during Lent instead of really making me more aware of God's presence I have just been aware of what I am giving up.  Which is a good sign of how self focused I actually am.
Anyway after thinking, praying, I read an article where a lady gave up worry.  That's interesting.  Then when I was praying I felt God telling me to give up complaining (of course this something that I should give up forever not just for Lent).
So for Lent this year I am giving up complaining - and just just out loud but also in my brain.

And in the past week what I have discovered is that I like to complain.

The meaning of Christmas

This is a short article I wrote for the Altona Echo's Christmas edition:


The meaning of Christmas
Pain.
I know, I know Christmas is all about good things and happy times.  You know food, family, parties, children’s programs…
But sometimes (often?) it feels broken.  Instead of being a time of celebrating that all is good in life, it is a time when one may realize that life stinks.  Family relationships are shattered, debt is piling up, and it is kind of lonely.
Merry Christmas!?
But this is what Christmas is actually all about.  Christmas is about pain, brokenness and loneliness.  We forget that there would be no Christmas if things weren’t messed up.  Christmas is a celebration, a remembrance, that God entered into this world as Jesus.  And Jesus came into our world not because we are so good and happy but because we are bruised and beat up.  Jesus is here to rescue and save those who are wounded and lost.
The good news of Christmas is that God has not abandoned us in brokenness.  He is with us.  He enters into the mess of our lives.  Christmas is God’s response to our brokenness.
The story of Jesus, according to Matthew, begins with the announcement of the birth of Jesus saying that he will be called “Immanuel” which means “God with us” (Matthew 1:23).  It then ends with Jesus declaring “I will be with you always” (Matthew 28:20).
Jesus’ life, death and resurrection is understood in the light of the promise of God to be with us.
Christmas is a time for us to remember that God is with us, not that life is great but He is present.  And this is what allows us to say “merry Christmas!”

Men's Breakfast

On Saturday Jacob and Arlene Friesen shared at a men's breakfast.  They did a great job.  The theme was guy/girl relationships.  They encouraged us to work at answering some questions about the important women in our lives (wife, daughters...).
These questions were taken from Intimate Allies:

1. In what ways has your relationship with your spouse changed you (for the better)?  How has your spouse influenced you to reflect God's glory more clearly?
2. In what way is your spouse special?  How is she like no one else in your life?
3. Spend 15 minutes thinking about these questions: "What do I know and what don't I know about my spouse?  What intrigues me about my spouse?"
4. What are your spouse's potential, giftedness, burdens and passions?  Make a list for each of the four areas.
5. What is most beautiful and wonderful about your spouse?
6. What about your spouse makes you thankful?
7. How is your spouse like Christ?
8. How can you draw out her uniqueness, to live out God's glory in a way that no one else can?

Connecting with God?

When is the last time that someone asked you how you connect to God?

The other day I was in a meeting with pastors and church leaders and we were talking about renewal.  The leader of the discussion stated the obvious that renewal starts (and ends) with connecting with God.  He then asked each person to share how often they intentionally connect with God and what they do?  Seriously, we went around the circle and shared.  This is the first time I have ever been at meeting where this took place.
Now I should note that the leader did not do this in a judgmental sort of way but just invited people to honestly share.
A few things jumped in my head.

1. "Boy I am glad my time with God is going fairly well right now."  (Interesting how my initial response is worrying about looking weak and broken before others)
2. Why don't we ask this question more often?
3. The leader actually assumes that we are connecting with God.